Originally printed in Old Town Gazette, September 9, 2008

So now the Green crowd wants us to fear coal plants because they emit mercury into the air.  They claim high doses of mercury can cause serious damage to the central nervous system, brain, and  kidneys.  They expect you not to notice the 2 key words in that scare statement.  High doses.  Why don’t they tell you about all the studies of “low doses” of mercury?  Why?  Because low dose studies are all done on fish.  Health concerns focus mainly on those who eat fish frequently, especially pregnant women.  So what does that have to do with mercury from coal plants?  In an independent study by Citizens to Reform Anal Politics, it was found that mercury from coal plants only causes damage to pregnant fish.

Greenspan claims things are the worst they’ve ever been in his lifetime.  That’s a long-  long time.  Didn’t he have something to do with these being the worst times?  We’re bailing out everybody but that one bank, Lehman Bros.  Think what kind of complex they must have.  Now let me get this straight.  If we, the tax payers, own all these entities, do we get royalties?

We bailed out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mack.  On the bright side, that should help John McCain obtain that much needed 9th home.

The key decisions on all these government takeovers are being made by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.  However, he admits he can’t take credit for this new financial blue print; so much of the credit should go to a little known deceased philosopher by the name of Karl Marx.

I don’t want to take full credit for congress’s passing the bill for off shore drilling; but remember in my last column entitled Go Big Oil!, I stressed the importance of getting every drop of oil out of this hemisphere as fast as possible, so that maybe then we might start thinking seriously about other forms of energy.  Well, fortunately Congress took my advice and voted for off shore drilling.  What I don’t understand is that the cry during the Republican convention was, Drill Baby Drill!  So why did the Democrats vote for it and the Republicans vote against it?  Being a Republican, I deserve having these things explained to me.

Health care economists assessing the health care plans of both McCain and Obama found fault with both.  McCain’s will cost less but it might cut too much from proper care.  For instance, proctology exams will be conducted at Roto-Rooter.  And under Obama’s plan, breast exams will be held at Hooters.

There seems to be concern that the Kansas Department of Corrections work release center is located on prime ground across the street from the new downtown arena.  Some have complained that the presence of convicts in the area might discourage some businesses such as restaurants, stores, and retailers from locating there.  These people want the Department of Corrections to move.  I disagree.  Let these convicts work off public service time by being security agents for the new arena parking lot.

There is a new web site, (www.bringbackshockerfootball.com )which is being powered by a man in Kansas City.  It will be hard for the powers that be to intimidate him since he’s not in Wichita.  Go there. Read the cause. Make a small pledge.  Numbers are more important than the amount.